Thursday, July 20, 2006

Wanna live for you!

It rained here yesterday. Rained correctly - not too less - not too much. And as I took in deep breaths of the cool moist breeze, as I faced the steady wind and as I smelled the scented air, I was moved. A cascade of memories began - questions being asked that demanded answers - questions that I had steadily avoided. A Rainy campus .... us running to get shelter ..... me playing .... me being boysih .... my city .. my Mumbai .... the creek where we spent time alone ..... her laughter .... her complaints .......... our fights .......... our masti. We were best friends.

Life was simple then ... no big issues .. just the semester ....... just my coding .... the ambition was fixed but the steps were distant. The time was good ... and so I didnt really realize when it flew by ... suddenly I had to make a choice ...... and I chose my career .... there wouldnt be an 'us' after.

The thunder from heavens above sounded all too familiar ... and I was wishing ..... wishing - that I wouldnt be alone ..... if only ..... And like always I didnt have an answer .... If I had to make a choice again, I would do nothing other than a 'Deja Vu'.

It seemed cruel to me that GOD must decide to satisfy only one ... either the heart or the brain. But a choice I made. Later on when I left my college and came to the US, I made it clear to my parents that they wouldnt have any jurisdiction over my career or my love life.

We were never meant to be ... to be together .. and I understood that ... asking my parents not to interfere was simple enough. What wasnt simple was .... when you are past that .. when you are on your track .. on the career you want ... how do you get back to being
available again .... how do you move past your past and like some one .... how do you compromise just the right amount ... how do you not lower your character or give up your standards ... how do you find someone who can respond to your morals.

And I realized it isnt easy at all ... to like someone and for that person to like you .... not ur hair .. not how fast you can run ... but like ur essence.
It has to happen. I dont know of any other matter in which the gods play a bigger role than in the process of - you finding the love of your life.

But theres hope .... albeit little ....... a belief that luck favors those who are good. That a person can find someone whithout depricating his core. And when I do ... it will be .... it
will be.

I would really ... really want to ........ want to hold her close .... make her feel powerless .. not because she doesnt have strength .... but because she doesnt need any ..... want her feel comforted ... want her not to let go ..... want it ... want to watch her struggle ... struggle invain .... struggle with her shyness ...... but yeild to my seduction - partly cos I will be relentless - partly cos she wants to ..... want her to feel protected...... want her to feel fearless ..... want her to confront life head on ..... want her to feel loved beyond measure .... want her to feel special ...... want her to feel
the only one ..... want her to feel proud ..... want her to melt with joy .... want her happy till she is confused .... want her to feel light - till she doesnt know what to do.

Want her to be mine ......... Yes! Wanna live for you.

So tell me will you please -

What's ur name - How do you look
Will you come along! - Whats ur lat whats ur long?

- Sanket K


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Friday, July 14, 2006

Playing Cards

I sat with my friends - to play cards,
Poor I was, little I had,
I bet a lot - when the game starts,
I lost it all. I lost it all.

I sat with my friends - to play cards,
I thought my luck was bad,
I said to myself,
Poor is your game and slow is ur hand,
I fought hard, I learnt it all,
I won some back,
But the loss never stopped.

I sat with my friends - to play cards,
Then came a game - and I had won,
By all the rules I knew, I had won,
But they said 'Nay!!',
It aint that way.
You lose this one,
Cos the game is changed.

I sat with my friends - to play cards,
Though now I knew not,
Whose my friend, who was not,
Cheaters they were, dishonestly they played,
I wanted to quit, but money needed be made.

I sat with my friends - to play cards,
And ask myself - why can I not,
Not cheat like them,
What crap was I taught?
Play by the rules and cheat not
Even as they plunder
Plunder till u rot.

I sat with my friends - to play cards,
And wish the game would stop,
The tricks and lies, I got so sick of ..
I want to quit,
But my inner voice barks,
If you quit now - then all you fought Shall be lost.

And so I stick with the game,
Play by what I was taught,
The game of life - they called it,
So stupid I was,
I thought I was playing cards.

- Sanket K.


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Saturday, July 08, 2006

Take what you can - Give nothing back !!

The human fascination with the 'wrong' has always intrigued me. Glamor girls have always been attracted to Crime Lords and Mafia Dons. We might give speeches at world conferences and will condemn these criminals in the strongest words while at the same time box office sales for any movie featuring the life of criminals goes through the roof. What is it about crime and criminals that fascinates us so much?

I have been asking myself that question a lot since I saw 'Pirates of the Caribbean II'. So I write this piece - not as a review on the movie - but as an out loud thought process trying to reason this contradictory human triat.

I have always loved pirates. Had we been living in the 17th century - I would have seriously thought about a career in piracy at the sea. We like pirates! Murderers and Looters with not an iota of respect for life or civilized living.

We like Pirates - cos a pirate means - freedom - freedom to do what you want - it means - dexterity - unmatched skill at sea navigation - it means - swimming like a fish - it means - no fear of death - it means no bonds of rules - it means - bravery and courage. Indeed 'Piracy' I belive is one of the few professions that - instead of denying and constraining the most defining human aspect - GREED - embraces it. Not deny that you have greed but live for it!

We may hesitate to accept it - but Greed is what drives the human world. Who doesnt want money? Who doesnt want freedom? Who doesnt want worldly pleasures?

Pirates! They can rob and have as much wealth as they want! They can entertain as many mistresses as they want! They can roam at the whim of their will ! Roam wherever they want!

We like them - cos in the heart - each one of us wants to have great wealth - to enjoy physical pleasure - to live free. Imagine a settled married man - completely respectable - has a nice homely wife - a kid - earns honestly - and lives simple. Give him a wish - an option - to have a life at sea - to flirt with danger and death - to sleep with plenty of beautiful women - to drink - to feast - to dance - to be merry - to command a ship - to terrorize the waters .

Almost all men will be tempted - a few will accept - most will deny out of fear (but wont admit it) - the rare will deny out of conviction and principle. But all things come at a cost - by defying law - you inherently deprive yourself of its protection. You would start great - and run fast and run fierce - but you will soon go out of breath - you will start to realize - that a physical encounter with the most beautiful woman can never match true love - that no amount of money can rival the power of an honest penny - that you can never enjoy that which you havent earned - that which is not truly yours. You may not be cursed by the Heathen Gods but you will certainly be cursed by the souls you plunder. In Captain Barbossa's words - 'The Drink will not satisfy - Food will turn to ash in your mouths - And all the pleasurable company in the world wouldnt slake your lust - You may start being compelled by greed - but soon you will be consumed by it' .

So on second thoughts - I might not actually want to be a pirate. But ........... But what if the Captain is the great 'Jack Sparrow' ? What if the ship is the legendary 'Black Pearl' ? Oh! I dont know - I might easily slip - marry the sea - Take what I can and Give nothing Back!


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