Homosexuality...

I have a confession to make. I am a former homophobic. Being born and raised in India in a conservative family, homosexuality was a concept that I learned in theory - and quite late in the day at that. Considering the concept purely theoretical, I never really worried about it. That is until I stepped into the United States. Public affection, open talk, gay, lesbian, bisexuals - I was exposed - full on - to a world and a reality that most Indians prefer to sweep under the carpet. Being a straight guy, I had no qualms with two women kissing, but the idea of two men kissing - Eeeeww!! Well - it still makes me avert.

And for the first time in my life - I was biased against something without rationality. The reality of watching two same sex people make out in public was too much for me to digest - and I labeled all homosexuals - 'Weird'. It was one of the rarer occasions when I had decided to circumvent than confront.

There is a lovely tradition at Utah State University. On a pedestal in front of the main campus building - couples gather every once in a while - and under a full moon kiss each other to be pronounced 'Aggies' - or certified - Utah State material. It was here that I actually saw two guys kiss through out the entire length - in part because the whole crowd was cheering madly and in part because I was intrigued. I let go of the weirdness for a moment and tried to analyze what I was seeing - and well - I have to admit - there was no doubt and no mistake - this was a genuine, passionate kiss. And - I - for the life of me - could not understand - 'How can the same sex - evoke such strong and true emotions???' And so I decided to turn around and confront my beliefs.

I became friends with a girl who was openly lesbian. And slowly but surely, I started to dismantle my prejudice asking - what I am sure must have felt like - childish questions. What I learned completely changed my attitude. Other than the fact that they are attracted to the same sex, in every other way - these people were exactly the same. They were equally crazy and vulnerable in love. A break up hurt just as much if not more. They fought over the same issues - They hated Bush. Yep! They were perfectly normal people!! And I have to admit, I felt quite stupid for being so pig-headed about the whole issue.

The flash point for me, however, came when my friend missed work for a few days - I asked around and found out - that her partner was in an accident and that she had been working different hours. Shortly after, I went to see her. She was torn in concern and sheared by stress. Having to take care of her partner and keep up with daily duties, she was exhausted - every single day. And thats when I truly understood the real deal. That love TRULY - does not accept nor abides by any rules. Oh! And it is a beaaautiful thing. The world would be a poorer place if the nature of love was any different.

When we got to talking, she showed me a bunch of hate mail that she had been receiving since she spoke at a Gay/Lesbian function. I read the mail - This guy hated her!! I mean - plain and simple - hated her!! This guy - had probably never met her - or talked to her - and here he was - hating her!! I felt like asking this guy a few abrupt questions - "Do you even know this girl?? How can you hate her??? She is the sweetest thing I have ever met. How can anyone hate her???" And I felt so uncontrollably mad with anger that I totally forgot for a second - that may be a year back - I wouldn't have seen anything wrong with this guy's letter. The realization ashamed me.

And so I decided to write. If anyone reading this article hates homosexuals - or thinks they are weird. Folks please! I completely respect your opinion. But do me a favor - take the time to understand the other point of view - and then decide - if you still hold to your opinion - well thats your choice (And you are a pig - by the way )

They love the same - they care the same - their interpretations and expectations of loyalty are the same - they can lust for a body just as much - they are different only in the way the rest of the world treats them.

There is something to be said about the tendency of human behavior to acquire prejudices when confronted against the norm. Too often than not I have found the core debate over opinions shrouded by religious beliefs and unsubstantiated dogma. Too often have I found people forgetting our very origins. Man evolved through dwelling the caves - and we came out and discovered fire - we invented the wheel and learnt to move - we deciphered the weather and mastered agriculture. In deed Man's existence and definition are inseparably tied to Scientific progress.

Science evolved out of necessity. And religion evolved as a means to control. A tool for common harmony - so that Science can move forward without hinder. Too often have we come to block Science by holding on to religion. Homosexuality when looked at - from a pure scientific view - is as normal as a child being left handed - it is observed in tons of animals other than humans.

In the last century - we have split the atom and spliced the gene. Surely we can come up enough reasoning to understand and embrace homosexuality. Aand sooner rather than later - learn to live in our planet in consideration of all that lives.

I have observed - laws of nature have a reason of their own. It is not our place to deem wrong - what we do not yet understand. No great person ever invented true discoveries on the arrogant pretense that we understand Nature completely. So let us not forget our fundamentals. And if we can not sufficiently qualify to define nature/love - we are certainly not qualified to ill-define it.

So heres an apology and a toast to all homosexuals. May you find it in your hearts to forgive and may you continue spread love - for now more than ever - we all need it. ROCK ON!!

- Sanket

P:S:: Forgive any generalizations folks!! I was just driving home a point.

(cc Creative common license - Sanket Korgaonkar 2009 - All rights reserved)

Read More...

Flashes of the past!

A lazy morning, a sky refusing to light up, a vista of clouds hanging low and grey, a wind caressed with moisture ........ and I think of you.

I remember the clink of steel on china, an italian restaurant. My glance as it traced your silhouette opposite me. The glint of evening sun rays on rose red lips. I remember being intoxicated - in part by wine and in part by your beauty.

There are memories one does not divulge easily. This is one of them. But there is a dream more real than memory - remembered not in your mind - but etched in your body. And this is one of them.

My fingers remember the touch of your skin, the strength of that warmth as I held you in a slow still dance. My will still longs the challenge in your smile. Never since has a woman, so tested my heart.

I have fought long and hard and learnt - there are some things you can not erase despite try.

Some things there are - not remembered in your mind. - Sanket

Read More...

Lies to Myself..

On some things I know I have lied to myself – and this is one of them. After swearing to destroy all of her things, I know I haven’t really discarded all ... somewhere hidden in an album lie, now yellowing photographs  - still beautiful with a hint of those times – in an academic file alongside my notes – I am sure -  lies buried - a birthday card – and amongst the modest treasures of my wallet is a guitar pick – that still fancies her touch. ..

Masked cleverly in my words, somewhere lie  - subtle references - to memories only one reader can relate......  In empty corridors of a dilapidated structure, there still can be heard - echoes of her laughter and although, now abandoned – there still flows a river -  now mourning with salted water.

In the waking hours of some nights, the bed still longs her warmth. And the still air – now devoid of her scent – feels like a vacuum mocking my heart.

On some things I know, I have lied to myself and this is one of them ......  Oh! How I wish there were words that could describe – How much I miss her on some days ....  

– Sanket 

Read More...

A Moment's Grace!

They had been friends for almost a year now. He could still vividly remember the way they met. He was upset that day - something had gone amiss at work. Frustrated, he decided to go for a run - as he always did in such times. But even running didn't seem to be helping, 12 laps down the line and he still wasn't feeling an ounce of expression, the sweat entering his eyes didn't help matters. 'Whats wrong with this project?? Why am I lacking pace?? ' - questions were creeping in his head despite his effort to just concentrate on breathing.

It was just a blur a mirage of black and red. 'Wow! he thought - she must be a runner' . Just out of curiosity he decided to study her ......... amazing form ....... great composure ...... and her pace was just starting to bother him -- cos hard as it was to admit - he was struggling to keep up with her. Should I give her a race?? He was wondering ...... Naah! its already lap 13 .... I am tired ...... but then his male conscious countered .... 'Don't give excuses - if you can't compete - then at least be graceful in defeat!'

Duh! Defeat my ass! Lets find out what shes made up of - Okie girl u gonna find it hard to go past me again! He shifted gears - paced himself and in what he thought - went right past her with breezing speed. Ha! Howz that cheezmoza?? To his surprise the answer came quicker than expected - before he could revel in his pseudo victory - she went past him again - faster if not anything.... And so it began ... he would lead .. only to be overtaken again ..... a sight to see! Finally some 8 laps later they couldn't keep up the pace - she slowed down to a walk ...... THANK GOD! He exclaimed - Wow I was almost killed!!

As he reached her .... she said "You run good!" . "You are not too bad yourself" he commented back ... . but then something was bothering him ........... Ummm what is it??? and then it struck him ..... "Hey! You aren't out of breath! You stopped just to end it!!". "Yup smartie!" she smiled tapped his head and went racing ahead again ......... "Oh No! not again!" ........ somehow he caught up with her - "Dinner at 8 if u don't go past me in a lap" -- Oh ya! theres no way he would have let her take that lap - though easy it wasn't - he had to give it all he had .... Dinner followed ... and a close friendship developed ... before they knew they were in love with each other. For some reason though none had taken the effort to take it to the next level.

This week-end was important - he was gonna ask her to marry him. He had gone over it a hundred times in his head - the exact words - the expressions - everything - yet - his senses seemed to fail him at the moment. Saturday afternoons have an anesthesia of their own - this afternoon was no exception. Lying stretched on the floor - he looked at her - Wow! she could look gorgeous in the most simple clothes. And then he looked her up - as a man would - without hesitation - without shy - without holding back - her toes - the red paint - incredibly sexy - her feet - perfect and smooth - her legs - Oh ya! her legs curving up - her waist - so slender and elegant - hiding the strength of an athlete - her breasts - so firm - so soft - he couldn't move past them. She seemed to sense his eyes on her body --- For she laughed and mockingly kicked him in the stomach - with an expression of fained annoyance.

" I could do 20 push ups with you on my back - you know that??" She couldn't say why - but she decided to call his bluff. "Alright! your lucky day today Lets go".

Maan... now I really got to do it. She laid on his back - embracing him - her arms under his - pressing herself onto him - knowingly - deliberately - to throw him off balance. Isn't gonna work --- he thought - a deep breath and he started.

She was impressed by how effortlessly he lifted her off - 8 .... 10 .... 14 ...... he was slowing down now .... 15 .... then his whole body shivering .... 16 .... she thought ... Oh! Dear me! He isn't gonna make it! He's never gonna forgive himself for that. He wouldn't bear the humiliation ..... 16 ... and then as he went down .... he was caught midway ..... knowing if he further went down ... he wouldn't come up ..... 'Common u idiot! Be a man! you said 20 - four more ... common .... FOUR MORE???? he thought to himself .......... her mind was racing too............... and then it struck her ......... His shoulder ...... ofcourse his shoulder ...... he was ordered by the doctor not to stress his shoulder ......... she could count four separate veins on his shoulder now ........... he was shaking ..... holding her ....... still......... She knew she couldn't just get off ..... He wouldn't take a no contest ............. I have to do something .... and something quick ..... she thought ........ and then she did it ... by instinct ... not thinking....

She flung herself off his back grabbed him hard and kissed him on the mouth .... fully .... passionately ..... as she had never kissed anyone before...... a moments pause ... and he responded .......... bliss! heaven!!

And in that moment - all her doubts were cleared - as life offers sometimes - an explanation when you least expect it ........ she was hesitating in asking him ..... the future of their relationship .... wondering why he hadn't asked her .... but she wasn't pushing him .... partly because she herself was in doubt .. her independence was by far the most important thing in life ..... What was it that she would want to see in a Man - before she decided to take the risk??? She didn't know it - she couldn't put it in words - but right then she knew - she had seen it .... When she was mid air ---- on #16 ...... she knew it -- if she had not broken the lock -- he would have held her --- mid air -- till his shoulders broke or his muscles tore - and when they did -- as they would --- he could not have forgiven himself ....... EVER.

THAT was what she had wanted to see in a Man -- someone who would kill himself before breaking his word --- undeniable pride -- unquestionable soul -- and she knew -- if not him - she had to ask him - that she wouldn't find it again ....

He was thinking too ..... what was it that had just happened ......... why was he suddenly so so happy and light ......... what was the cause of his care-free ....... then he remembered --- she had broken the lock at #16 -- she had yielded - yet in a way that didn't make his victory look alms --- in a way - where it didn't matter if there was a win or a loss -- she hadn't pushed him into a loss -- knowing she could do it -- knowing he was powerless -- she had preserved his pride - -- protected his dignity -- and yet hadn't claimed anything --- hadn't asked for appreciation .... and there he knew .. and then he admired ... What strength must a character have to render a loss - when there can be victory -- and yet not show it!!!.... and in that moment he knew ... he had to ask her .... cos he wouldn't be able to live without her .... not after that.

Their lips parted .... their eyes met .... they smiled .. in joy .. in completeness. So many questions - so many doubts --- but all cleared -- in a moment's grace.

Read More...

The good things in Life!

A response to SOS - to cheer u up.

The good things in Life:

1. Having good food - then snuggling into ur fav comforter and reading a nice book while it snows outside.
2. Sitting with friends and having garma garam chai with bhajiya on a rainy evening - sipping hot tea while facing moist sprinkles of rain with a scented wind.
3. Watching comprehensively - a beautiful woman - and the loveliness of her youth.
4. Facing a fierce wind in ur face when you bike downhill.
5. Feeling your heart recover and stabilize to a 72 after a nice run or a workout.
6. Watching Madhuri smile in HAHK. Or Ravina dance in sizzling yellow on tip - tip barsa paani.
7. Watching Sachin hit a boundary or a six and trash Shoaib (or whoever is there).
8. The intellectual high you get - when you crack a problem or understand a concept.
9. Cranberry and vodka.
10. The acceleration ramp before you get onto an interstate.
11. A sunrise with the promise of future.
12. Facing an impossible problem and getting out of it - and enjoying quietly - privately ur victory.
13. Butter Chicken and Sprite - or any Jeff Archer novel.
14. The Fountainhead - The Lord of the Rings.
15. Music - day in day out.
16. Photography.
17. Writing and poetry.
18. Movies and pizza with friends.
19. Risking life and limb for a close buddy - being a good friend.
20. And may be that someone - someday whose smile can over ride all the things I said above.
    

Read More...

The Water Window

It was a Saturday, he had come home early today. It was his weekly romantic escapade. At 31 he was as smart and successful as any man his profession could boast of. It always seemed strange to him that he called his New York appartment a home. For as long as he could remember, he had always spent more time at the office and the gym than at his 'home'.

His appartment was more expensively kept than a palace. He loved heights, when they had married, he had waited five years to afford this place. It was a top-floor appartment with one of the best views of New York. He had moved to New York despite his better half, but once he had furnished the place and brought her in, she fell in love with their new home. In exchange she had made him promise week ends .......... he usually was able to spend one of the promised four. He knew, they would soon have an argument over this, still, he hoped he could convince her to hold the ship for another four years. Champagne and flowers had usually done the trick for him, he hoped it worked today.

His thoughts were interrupted by a sudden drop in temperature from his shower. He cursed the fact that no matter how well kept an appartment was, there was only so much time one could have running hot water. He jumped out and dried himself hastily and then to the delight of his boyish mind, he heard the door open. Ha! She was home.



Posed in nothing but his bath robe, he waited in ambush. She was usually alert and immune to such tricks, but today even she wouldnt have expected him so early. She always went to the water window first - to look at the city spread out beneath. As she stood gazing at the tiny specks of people and long shafts of light, he put an arm around her waist gently. With surprise and wonder she turned only to find herself lost in a deep kiss.

Their love making was always like this, sensual to violent in a few seconds. Lack of company had made sure that the passion between them was ever flamable. He loved her dirty and sweaty from work. In the course of their young marriage, he had spent most money over reimbursing her torn suits.

Eventually they slowed down, lying on each other spent and content. She wouldnt allow him to dress, she liked hearing his day by just lying on him, listening to his accelerated heart beat. Oh! How she loved him.

She knew there would be flowers, a great drink and probably an honest hand made dinner waiting for her. Apart from his iron character, it was his skill at boyish surprise that held her from arguing about the increased number of work hours he was putting in. She knew he wouldnt win, if he was any less accomplished, she would complain about that too.

Commanding him to stay as he was, she ran to the stereo to put on her favourite song. He knew, his mission was half accomplished, she would come back and listen to this song over and over again, holding him close, not permitting a spoken word.

Eventually she let him free ....... he came back after the table was set and held her again, not grabbing her, but holding her instead .. .. and as they stood looking through the glass window, he thought of how much he had achieved and how much more he wanted to. And the city beneath stood witness to their love and to his ambition.

Read More...

The desi female.

It is a special class of females, when u say 'desi' (Indian) females. A friend of mine commented that among some things that men universally desired is an American salary and an Indian wife ... I cannot agree more. Indian girls make the best wives - period.

Strong statement ha! Well lets see, they are one of the most beautiful species of their kind - just look at how many Miss world and Miss universe titles India has. Even the most modern of them have a certain level of celibacy, they are fiercely loyal to their partners, they are the strictest, kindest and most qualified moms, they are as good as men when it comes to careers - what else does one need ?

When a guy comes to the US, (without exception) he is looking forward to checking out some hot american chicks, the cleavages - so far seen just on TV are gonna be his treat. In their defense, its all hormone driven - nothing personal. But no matter how much a guy might get 'involved' with an american, when it comes to tying the knot, he will go looking for the trusted desi gal.

Knowing fully well that they are gonna marry an indian in the end its natural most guys prefer desis as girl-friends too. Here in Campus Walk, I can testify that anything remotely female is analyzed throughly.

Hey! theres this new girl comming in fall - name is xyz. Oh ya? physical stats? single? dept? funding? which part of india? roomies? closest senior girl to her? behaviour reports? . I must emphasize though that all these questions are seeked while maintaining highest respect for the woman.

As you make friends and get to know them, many people succeed as u may put it in finding their partners. In this unloving land where everyone leads a half life, they are your diet of indianess.

Hungry? not in a mood to cook? call the lovely gal u know and just request her to make something for u - tasty amazing food - guaranteed. Missing ur mom? cant tell that to a guy - u will be mocked - call up that lovely gal. Academic help? wanna brighten the party? - call them.

There are few other gestures in this world that can gain u the kind of love and respect that a girl gets when she cooks for this idiot friend of hers. And most of the desi gals have done this at some time - hence most of them are highly adored by atleast a bunch of guys.

And when u see the guy - missing his mom - healed, the guy - hungry - no cooking - satisfied, returning home to sleep, perhaps u will understand that no matter how fair an american is, no matter what her bra size is, she can never be picked for marriage.

So I say - DESI girls rock - not from the heart - but from the stomach!

Read More...

The video coach!

Take any college going kid from Mumbai, guy or gal, doesnt matter, he/she will definetly know what a 'Video Coach' is. Chances are everyone will have a story to tell when it comes to the 'Video Coach'.

A lot of experienced people also make mistakes when it comes to defining this term. The 'Video Coach' is the first class mens compartment adjacent to the ladies first class.

Blessed with enormous special features, this is a unique compartment in the entire train. In that a person standing or sitting in this compartment can have an unobstructed view of the girls compartment. I have the utmost respect and admiration towards the Indian goverment and esp Indian Railways for keeping the partition between these two compartments to a minimum. Indeed the wall separating the mens and the womens first class compartment is built only half way, leaving the other half open for men to watch and admire their favourite girls.

The entire gamut of behaviour patterns associated with the 'Video Coach' might infact make an excellent topic for someones PhD dissertation. I am however not blessed with such luck and hence I intend to confine the discussion to my experiences alone.

The VC is perhaps of most importance to FYJC male students. Being born and brought up in a conservative society and a strict school environment, these pathetic souls are finally let out of the cage in their 11th (junior college). It is socially acceptable for an FYJC male student to make female friends. Parents tend to permit opposite sex phone calls,kids though know enough to camouflage their conversations in academics and predecided communication codes.

Guys and gals of FYJC are literally just hormone containers. There is nothing much in their brains other than this strange attraction to the opposite sex that nature so suddenly entrusts them with.

And thus the VC becomes a persons favourite part of the day. Often u would notice a certain cute looking girl catching the same train day after day. It is common for people to adjust their travel times inorder to get the same train as that of their VC crush. And thus before u know the games begin. 'Hey look that guy constantly looks at me!' - the yellow salwar kameez tells her friend, her friend also peers into the male compartment to verify the statement - 'Ya! he is' - 'Sahi hai! dikhne mein bura nahi hai! Is he from our college?' - 'Shut up!' .

Meanwhile all this seemingly tacit excercise is carefully noticed by the guy and his friend. 'Yaar! shit! she knows', the guy retorts, fearing if his true love and emotions were misunderstood. His friend corrects - 'Abbe accha hai na, usko malum hai toh!' .

Then this game is played with more caution and each day there is something new in this whole new domain of eye-eye communication and young romance. When in class, or when eating dinner with his family the guy thinks about what his VC crush did that day. The way her hair looked, the way she glanced at him and then cracked some joke with her friend, her dress, her hair clip, her new college bag - everything. And so the guy engages in virtual dates and romantic conversations with his VC crush while his parents start wondering why their scholarly son looks dazed every day.

Then the rythm breaks and u dont see her in the regular spot. Poor guy - there is nothing productive that the guy can do that day - its a bad day at work - I dont know what happened to my VC crush!

Then one fine day when enough to and fro journeys have passed, the guy approaches and talks to the girl - at the platform or in the college. U in FYJC in kerkar right? me too ( ofcourse u are! what stupid way to start a conversation, u have been watching each other for 2 months now) And so the first loves begin, albeit shakily.

As everyone will agree, first love cuts deepest. And so the VC takes a special sensitive corner of a persons heart.

As you grow older, the eye games and amateur day dreaming ceases but the VC continues to be a boiling pot - always humid with sexual attraction. The guy goes from FYJC to Engineering, then onto a job, but the VC remains the same, the concept stays the same.

A few lucky people have the privlege of bringing their VC crush into the mens compartment and get her to travel with him while going to study. Obviously, they have talked and have agreed to being a couple.

Strange accidents are not alien to the VC. Someones parent catching someone while checking out a nice gal, Some family relative noticing u travelling with a girl to college everyday and so on....

One incident that comes to mind is from my own FYJC year. I knew two friends who would board the train at Mulund. I had spoken with them earlier. So, on seeing them in the train, I tried to grab their attention by waving around. As it turned out, both girls were busy in their own worlds and had no idea that I was waving waiting for an answer. Meanwhile fellow passengers and other people standing besides me were staring as if I was some 3rd grade loafer trying to harrass those pretty girls. Luckily for me, I did grab their attention in time and was acknowledged too.

Then there are lunch groups, groups playing trian games etc. And thus the VC continues to be an intergral part of the guys life.

Read More...

College Life!

Read More...

Makes life bearable!

Read More...