Of Fear!

Of the many people I have met, I have found very few - who could acknowledge the times when they felt fear. For some reason, people tend to believe that acknowledging fear makes them look weak. I tend to disagree.

First and foremost, 'Fear' is not always a bad thing. It serves a definite purpose. In the process of creating things and massaging our egos as the most intelligent species on the planet, humans often forget their biological origins. At the core - we are still animals, very smart - Yes! but still animals. So I give this example.

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Imagine a deer in an African forest sipping water from a pond. It will do so in very short bursts ... always alert ... twisting its ears this way and that .... listening for the slightest sound ... Oh yes - its afraid of a predator. But this very fear-driven vigilance can make the difference between life and death in the savanna. Fear! protects you from danger... The reflex reaction to an attack is to flee. Its nothing to be ashamed of - its nature's way of protection, its encoded into our genes.

Yet more often than not ... running away is not the best way to deal with danger. Often times - it is to meet danger head on .... Imagine a stag .. being attacked by a leopard ... you may call it stupid ... but wouldn't it be a sight to watch - if the stag instead of running away .. turned around and charged at the leopard itself ??? I bet you anything, it would be the last thing the leopard expects.

Oxford defines courage - as the ability to control fear. Socrates defined Courage - as the ability to do what you feel is right despite the consequences. They are about the most sensible definitions I have encountered.

And in the definition lies the mystery - Why is 'Courage' so rare? The reasons are not so apparent.... But courage demands an action - that is quite opposite to natural instinct. And if anything it is extremely difficult to make the body or the mind do anything against ingrained instinct. Imagine trying to train the stag to confront the Leopard and not run - and you begin to get an idea of how difficult it is.

Yet as with all things, Courage - can be harnessed with practice and patience. It is the knowledge that you can face the Leopard and yet be alive - that liberates the fear. The problem being ... you would actually have to face the Leopard first. And most people can't get past this first stage at all.

And if after doing all that work you find out ... there is no prize other than a narcissistic self glory .... the motivation to cultivate 'Courage' - really gets a setback. Courage can not be harnessed by desire of rewards or honors at the end... it has to be rooted in your moral convictions. In other words you got to be prepared to do the right thing, go through enormous difficulties and consequences, without expecting a reward or recognition.

So why do it? Cos in the end a Man is what he believes in - and if you forfeit your beliefs when times get difficult, you forfeit your self respect. Cos in the end, you will know what you did .... theres no need for awards or medals and recognition. You will know - what you faced and how you reacted - you will be a hero in your own mind. And theres nothing more important than how you perceive yourself.

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First Love!

It is said that Man was able to recognize music long before he started to recognize words. Strangely though, even today, modern language lacks an adequate definition for the word 'Music'.

I am not going to prevail on the definition of music, the interested audience should read Steven Mithen's - 'The Singing Neanderthals' - which contains beautifully lucid explanations of the importance of music in human intellectual development.

No - this blog is dedicated to my first Guitar. I have always wanted to learn to play Guitar - but conditions back in Bombay for a Science student were - to put it mildly - not conducive to art and music. It is a heart wrenching tragedy of modern day India - that in order for people to get jobs and have a secure future, music or art is not an option. Being from an academic town, my parents strongly opposed me learning anything, that could possibly distract me from my studies. Nothing, I say nothing affects the sanctity of the holy mantra of the Indian education system - "By heart and vomit!" Duh!

It is true that India has produced world class musicians and each year Bombay itself produces more movies than any other similar industry in the world. But for some reason, music still remains to be looked upon more as a hobby than a career.

Seven years and as many time zones later, I got my chance to learn what I want - when I want - the way I want. No supervision - no constraints. And so it happened that in the summer of '07 - I decided that the time had finally come for me to learn Guitar!

I went with my instructor to a local music shop to buy me an instrument. I was relieved, for in all honesty, I could not tell a good guitar from a bad one. We were interested in 3 fender guitars that the shop was offering on sale. My instructor said - they were awesome for the price and great learning instruments. I played all of them and then asked my instructor to judge them. He said - "They are all good. But go for the one that feels best for you." No help - absolutely - I looked in desperation at the choice I was facing - not sure which one to choose. There was a cut-away model which sounded very sweet - and a black beauty - which was more mellow - but a beauty none the less. In desperation I looked around - and asked the waiting store guy - if there was some other instrument in the same price range that I could look at.

He recommended his favorite beginner guitar - they are made by 'Art & Lutheire' - a small company based in Canada. Even from a distance I could tell - this was a very pretty instrument. But the moment I touched it - I fell in love. A&L Guitars are finished with lacquer - which gives them a completely natural feel when you hold them. I was expecting the sound to be as warm as the close grained brown color of the top - I was not disappointed.......

I played it for a while and then gave it to my instructor - wildly hoping and threatening him - that he better not say anything against this beauty - for my heart was set on the piece. To my relief my instructor's judgment conformed with mine and we had an agreement.

The model I bought is an A&L CEDAR - six string acoustic. The guitar cost me 200USD, which I think was real steal. Ever since then, I find myself spending every moment of my free time practicing on this marvel. I found a wealth of information when I researched online. It turns out the close grained CEDAR top is an ideal modern choice for Guitar tops since the grain pattern allows flexibility across the grain - resulting in a fuller sound and puts firm resistance in the direction of the grain - thus easily sustaining string pressure.CEDAR wood also has the virtue of maturing with age - meaning - the sound of the Guitar improves over time. Unlike SPRUCE, CEDAR gives a more mellow, warm and richer tone.

Playing the instrument is a most sensual experience. When my instructor asked me - How do you feel, I replied, "I feel like I'm holding a woman!" The store manager burst out laughing, his head shaking..... he must be thinking - Now thats a lover!

But no jokes, lift this delicate piece and hold it on your lap - the curve fits in perfectly - much like a womans waist - as if it always belonged there. You press it against your body with the plucking hand and run the left down its smooth neck. You caress the strings and let go...... Playing it is like making love....... Its divine.

Not unlike love making, music has the power to heal. In fact, my real motivation to learn Guitar was to harness a more subtle way of expression than writing or poetry. Musician or not I implore you to listen to the open strings of a well tuned Guitar in quick succession - theres no way the sound won't influence you. It feels almost as if the strings don't just resonate in the sound box - but also in your heart.

Learn a Music instrument - it changes your LIFE!

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Satyameva Jayate!

Satyameva Jayate! is the national moto of India. Something that I have been taught since the very beginning of my education. Something that I have believed with all my heart. Simply put - it means 'Truth alone triumphs'.

It brings into light the tragic shortcomings of the Indian education system - a system thats been in place since forever and refuses to adapt to modern changes and realistic idealism. For all that is worth, Truth, is the rarest commodity in India. Given a chance, I would teach the national motto to kids with a caveat - 'Truth alone triumphs ............ in the end.'

So heres me posing a basic conundrum to the 0.1% of readers who would understand this blog. Given that Truth triumphs in the end, we have a choice; to lead a life of principles or to take the shorter conscious free road. A few years ago - I would have said - the shorter route isn't really an option at all. In a way - it isn't - if you truly are a man of principles, then breaking them is never an option.

But it leads me to wonder..... wonder and look at people and friends - who have no such restrictions, people who lie when convenient and live their life until death claims them. Is it really as bad as I would think???

I don't know, on the one hand, you have an entire life of struggle and suffering with glory at the end...... on the other hand, you have a conscious free rich life and earthly pleasures - until one final day - you die.

Principles or not - courage or not - I believe, in the end what matters is - "Of the days you were alive. how many did you spend - happy and content?' ......... and if a consciousfree guy gets to spend his life in a majorly happy state, then I would wish him to remain the same... as opossed to a stupid person - who just blindly believes in Truth - not knowing that the happiness he seeks for in such a way - might take the rest of limited life and make it a living hell.

Any ideas as to which should a person prefer??

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Kaccha Nimbu

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'Kaccha Nimbu' is a concept. To those who are not familiar with it - heres a brief description; 'Kaccha Nimbu' literally means unripe lime - its a term used to refer a kid who either because of age or because of physical injury can not play a sport with other kids on equal terms. Say for example, you got a sprained ankle, but you still want to play dodge ball with your friends, so you take part in the game as a 'Kaccha Nimbu', or theres a kid who is too small to play, small in age, small in his body frame - but the kid still wants to play - and everyone else is big, then you let the kid play as a 'Kaccha Nimbu'.

Being a 'Kaccha Nimbu' offers delightful privileges; if you are playing cricket and you get 'Out' you can still bat one more time, if you are playing carom, you can place your striker any where on the board and hit anything you want, you can even drag the queen piece into your favorite pocket and no one will say anything - "He's kaccha nimbu re!"

As you grow adult, slowly the 'kaccha nimbu' opportunities die away. Till a time comes when you can no longer play as a 'kaccha nimbu'. I just finished my third semester as an international graduate student - having to deal with tedious projects and endless submissions - I was really really wishing some one in my graduate school would let me play 'kaccha nimbu' for the last week of the semester.

There is an archetypal cliche; "No one is perfect" - yet I do not accept this as an excuse for not trying, neither do I tolerate flaws in character under the disguise of so called 'imperfection'. But often times in dealing with an imperfect world, I have been bogged down and frustrated to infinity by the burden of my self imposed rules. And in those times, I wish I can play a 'kaccha nimbu' with my rules. But thou hath not this chance - for thou hath grown up now. And since when were principles negotiable any ways ??

May be it is a force of nature or the imperativeness of age - that lately I have had an insatiable desire to find a partner. At least companionship to start with. Some one who will come to you and say - take a break, some one who will let me be a 'kaccha-nimbu' with her. Some one who would tolerate albeit for a short time. Some one who can understand that subtle and unsaid desire that each person has of being a 'Kaccha-Nimbu' .....

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S P A Z O

The sound is unmistakable .... but it doesn't do justice to what happened ..... a blade is thrust in ... sharp .... very sharp .... body doesn't know what happened ..... until the eye sends an alert on seeing blood .... the horror comes first ..... the pain follows later..... the blade has gone deep .... pulling it out would be more painful than letting it stay in ..... yet some things must be done .... so the blade is pulled ... each microsecond unbearable .... amidst screams ... the body begs to be unconscious ..... as if that wasn't enough ... the blade was poisoned .... ensuring that the wound does not heal ... the skin never grows .... and blood clots only reluctantly ...... yet the body must function .... it does .... but life seems paler than any fathomed death ..... Yet a time comes ... when the same enemy has to be faced again .... all senses beg to run away ... but you hold the legs ... the body struggles against the mind .... the mind forces a submission .... but the energy lost in the struggle tires even before the swords are drawn ..... but you hold the ground ... for retreat is cowardice .... wishing a win ... or at least a dignified end ... but the enemy has neither in mind .... the only target is your un-healed wound ... old - and dark .... the pain potent and alive as if eternal .... and the blade plunges down a familiar path .... the fragile blood clot cannot hold it back .... the body staggers back .... there is no strength to draw the blade out .... so the enemy comes to a sinister aid .... pulling the blade back slowly .... its only then on top of pain ... you recognize that this time the blade isn't poisoned but delivered red hot .... the enemy eases it back through an old wound .... and you see your own blood drying in the red heat .... Will thy end me ? ...... you ask ..... 'Nay!' .... comes back with a laugh .... the eyes close ... in ancient greek ..... SPAZO.

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