Monday, October 02, 2006

A Fall Wish!




From a naive fresh green - they turned a bright yellow, some went orange, some went crimson - as I ran over those fallen - the ones on the trees spoke .....

" Nigh! Is the time, Full is our blossom,
O' Dear friend - Don't run alone

The wind gets colder....
Soon - there will be snow - and off we go
O' Dear friend - don't run alone ...

The clouds are low, the rain is soft ...
The chill air - asks more warmth ..
Two souls, two hearts, two bodies
O' Dear friend - don't run alone ...

True is your heart and strong is your stride
Don't throw your youth - set worries aside
Stop for a moment, you need a pause
Take natures call, sieze the time

And such tricks the nature plays ... I catch my breath, slow to a trot and speak back ...

Great is your beauty and your thought is devine,
But amidst countless duties, in a cruel world
Love is a luxury and Truth is hard to find ..

My heart shares your wish,
But my pride wont yield
Wait I will - until shes truly the queen.

... they russtle with the wind - as though in response

Your words bleed us
But pray we will
We must leave now
But come back - we will

Don't be saddened now
Learn from us and take our hope
Our colors are rare - see them clear
We give you strength - know no fear..

And so I pick up my pace again .. stern are my eyes ... and I run with the wind - till my breath dies.

- Sanket

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Friday, September 29, 2006

The Chaos theory of Life!

In the most basic terms – ‘Chaos Theory’ states that even though some things might seem chaotic on the surface – there can be a genuine function associated with them. That in order for something to be functional – a proper order – or a concrete symmetric form isn’t necessary. That if you look close enough – patterns will start to emerge – that order can be found in chaos – and even great Beauty!

Given my infinitesimal knowledge of fractal geometry – that’s all I ever thought about chaos theory ……… until recently when I thought I had caught a rare string – and so I followed that thought and traced it to a point where it became absolutely imperative for me to write a blog on it.

Being a Virgo I had this obsessive need to make sense out of everything – to find an order in all events. While I don’t believe in sun signs and horoscopes anymore than I believe in ghosts – I am forced to admit that I do display many characteristics of a typical Virgo. Anyways – so the point of this ‘personal revelation’ exercise is to say that I used to worry about a lot of things – most of the things and used to get really upset if they didn’t seem in the order I wanted them to be.

And so I wanted to see order in Life – while its possible to some extent – there can never be a total harmony to life – and for some infant reason it irritated me. The matter of fact is that our lives are seldom ever isolated – unh hn – they are inter linked with other lives – the lives of our friends – and loved ones – and our enemies at that. And as much as we want certain events in our life to deliver a positive outcome – because of these links and the inherent chaos in everyone else’s life – things sometimes do not turn out to be the way we would have wished them to be. It happened with an incident in my life – quite recently in fact.

In the process of admonishing nature for making life so messy- I thought well you know … maybe there is a beauty to this chaos – and maybe its function and harmony lie in the mess it creates. No matter what our personal tragedies – and no matter how many of them we have faced – it would take a dumb of the first order to deny that there is still incredible beauty and an undeniable purpose to each life created. Like chaos theory – it takes a close look to discover the subtle patterns in life.

Consider an analogy – imagine you trace the words L I F E in chalk on the floor – now you fill the borders of these letters with sugar – and you open a can of ants and let them roam the floor – given sufficient distance between the letters – sooner or later all ants will get busy collecting sugar within the traced borders. If you see life from an ant’s point of view – theres total chaos – ants running into each other giving messages – but following wherever they can find sugar and bringing it back to the core. Even on a top view – if you look into the details of one letter – you wouldn’t see a lot to appreciate – but take yourself higher – to a level where the letters now are clear and they appear filled – you will see

L I F E. And there in lies the pattern – a beauty.

So may be GOD did put us all into borders and made us chase sugar – greed – money – sex – fame – pleasure. And while our lives collide with each other – and give them an appearance of total chaos – he might actually be seeing a whole different picture.

Try as I may – I am still earth bound – still an ant inside the borders and while I can imagine – I cannot – and not any other mortal for that matter see – what the true pattern of life is. But maybe its meant not to be figured out – maybe its just taking relief in the fact that there is an eye watching over us all.

An astronomical collision eliminated dinosaurs – since then – so much time has passed – with the universe still potent of a similar attack – yet – earth survives – things have gone past us and hit the moon (craters don’t seem beautiful now – do they?) – What is it that governs the universe? What is it that makes some things break – and in the destruction make others? Even the wisest can only speculate! Its like trying to see the bigger picture.

Wow! Someday you know – I would like to make a ladder of all ants and climb on top and see whats really goin on.

- Sanket K

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Wednesday, August 23, 2006

The good things in Life!

A response to SOS - to cheer u up.

The good things in Life:

  1. Having good food - then snuggling into ur fav comforter and reading a nice book while it snows outside.
  2. Sitting with friends and having garma garam chai with bhajiya on a rainy evening - sipping hot tea while facing moist sprinkles of rain with a scented wind.
  3. Watching comprehensively - a beautiful woman - and the loveliness of her youth.
  4. Facing a fierce wind in ur face when you bike downhill.
  5. Feeling your heart recover and stabilize to a 72 after a nice run or a workout.
  6. Watching Madhuri smile in HAHK. Or Ravina dance in sizzling yellow on tip - tip barsa paani.
  7. Watching Sachin hit a boundary or a six and trash Shoaib (or whoever is there).
  8. The intellectual high you get - when you crack a problem or understand a concept.
  9. Cranberry and vodka.
  10. The acceleration ramp before you get onto an interstate.
  11. A sunrise with the promise of future.
  12. Facing an impossible problem and getting out of it - and enjoying quietly - privately ur victory.
  13. Butter Chicken and Sprite - or any Jeff Archer novel.
  14. The Fountainhead - The Lord of the Rings.
  15. Music - day in day out.
  16. Photography.
  17. Writing and poetry.
  18. Movies and pizza with friends.
  19. Risking life and limb for a close buddy - being a good friend.
  20. And may be that someone - someday whose smile can over ride all the things I said above.

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Thursday, July 20, 2006

Wanna live for you!


It rained here yesterday. Rained correctly - not too less - not too much. And as I took in deep breaths of the cool moist breeze, as I faced the steady wind and as I smelled the scented air, I was moved. A cascade of memories began - questions being asked that demanded answers - questions that I had steadily avoided. A Rainy campus .... us running to get shelter ..... me playing .... me being boysih .... my city .. my Mumbai .... the creek where we spent time alone ..... her laughter .... her complaints .......... our fights .......... our masti. We were best friends.

Life was simple then ... no big issues .. just the semester ....... just my coding .... the ambition was fixed but the steps were distant. The time was good ... and so I didnt really realize when it flew by ... suddenly I had to make a choice ...... and I chose my career .... there wouldnt be an 'us' after.

The thunder from heavens above sounded all too familiar ... and I was wishing ..... wishing - that I wouldnt be alone ..... if only ..... And like always I didnt have an answer .... If I had to make a choice again, I would do nothing other than a 'Deja Vu'.


It seemed cruel to me that GOD must decide to satisfy only one ... either the heart or the brain. But a choice I made. Later on when I left my college and came to the US, I made it clear to my parents that they wouldnt have any jurisdiction over my career or my love life.


We were never meant to be ... to be together .. and I understood that ... asking my parents not to interfere was simple enough. What wasnt simple was .... when you are past that .. when you are on your track .. on the career you want ... how do you get back to being
available again .... how do you move past your past and like some one .... how do you compromise just the right amount ... how do you not lower your character or give up your standards ... how do you find someone who can respond to your morals.

And I realized it isnt easy at all ... to like someone and for that person to like you .... not ur hair .. not how fast you can run ... but like ur essence.
It has to happen. I dont know of any other matter in which the gods play a bigger role than in the process of - you finding the love of your life.

But theres hope .... albeit little ....... a belief that luck favors those who are good. That a person can find someone whithout depricating his core. And when I do ... it will be .... it
will be.

I would really ... really want to ........ want to hold her close .... make her feel powerless .. not because she doesnt have strength .... but because she doesnt need any ..... want her feel comforted ... want her not to let go ..... want it ... want to watch her struggle ... struggle invain .... struggle with her shyness ...... but yeild to my seduction - partly cos I will be relentless - partly cos she wants to ..... want her to feel protected...... want her to feel fearless ..... want her to confront life head on ..... want her to feel loved beyond measure .... want her to feel special ...... want her to feel
the only one ..... want her to feel proud ..... want her to melt with joy .... want her happy till she is confused .... want her to feel light - till she doesnt know what to do.

Want her to be mine ......... Yes! Wanna live for you.

So tell me will you please -

What's ur name - How do you look
Will you come along! - Whats ur lat whats ur long?


- Sanket K

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Friday, July 14, 2006

Playing Cards

I sat with my friends - to play cards,
Poor I was, little I had,
I bet a lot - when the game starts,
I lost it all. I lost it all.

I sat with my friends - to play cards,
I thought my luck was bad,
I said to myself,
Poor is your game and slow is ur hand,
I fought hard, I learnt it all,
I won some back,
But the loss never stopped.

I sat with my friends - to play cards,
Then came a game - and I had won,
By all the rules I knew, I had won,
But they said 'Nay!!',
It aint that way.
You lose this one,
Cos the game is changed.

I sat with my friends - to play cards,
Though now I knew not,
Whose my friend, who was not,
Cheaters they were, dishonestly they played,
I wanted to quit, but money needed be made.

I sat with my friends - to play cards,
And ask myself - why can I not,
Not cheat like them,
What crap was I taught?
Play by the rules and cheat not
Even as they plunder
Plunder till u rot.

I sat with my friends - to play cards,
And wish the game would stop,
The tricks and lies, I got so sick of ..
I want to quit,
But my inner voice barks,
If you quit now - then all you fought Shall be lost.

And so I stick with the game,
Play by what I was taught,
The game of life - they called it,
So stupid I was,
I thought I was playing cards.

- Sanket K.

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