Wanna live for you!

It rained here yesterday. Rained correctly - not too less - not too much. And as I took in deep breaths of the cool moist breeze, as I faced the steady wind and as I smelled the scented air, I was moved. A cascade of memories began - questions being asked that demanded answers - questions that I had steadily avoided. A Rainy campus .... us running to get shelter ..... me playing .... me being boysih .... my city .. my Mumbai .... the creek where we spent time alone ..... her laughter .... her complaints .......... our fights .......... our masti. We were best friends.

Life was simple then ... no big issues .. just the semester ....... just my coding .... the ambition was fixed but the steps were distant. The time was good ... and so I didnt really realize when it flew by ... suddenly I had to make a choice ...... and I chose my career .... there wouldnt be an 'us' after.

The thunder from heavens above sounded all too familiar ... and I was wishing ..... wishing - that I wouldnt be alone ..... if only ..... And like always I didnt have an answer .... If I had to make a choice again, I would do nothing other than a 'Deja Vu'.


It seemed cruel to me that GOD must decide to satisfy only one ... either the heart or the brain. But a choice I made. Later on when I left my college and came to the US, I made it clear to my parents that they wouldnt have any jurisdiction over my career or my love life.


We were never meant to be ... to be together .. and I understood that ... asking my parents not to interfere was simple enough. What wasnt simple was .... when you are past that .. when you are on your track .. on the career you want ... how do you get back to being available again .... how do you move past your past and like some one .... how do you compromise just the right amount ... how do you not lower your character or give up your standards ... how do you find someone who can respond to your morals.

And I realized it isnt easy at all ... to like someone and for that person to like you .... not ur hair .. not how fast you can run ... but like ur essence. It has to happen. I dont know of any other matter in which the gods play a bigger role than in the process of - you finding the love of your life.

But theres hope .... albeit little ....... a belief that luck favors those who are good. That a person can find someone whithout depricating his core. And when I do ... it will be .... it will be.

I would really ... really want to ........ want to hold her close .... make her feel powerless .. not because she doesnt have strength .... but because she doesnt need any ..... want her feel comforted ... want her not to let go ..... want it ... want to watch her struggle ... struggle invain .... struggle with her shyness ...... but yeild to my seduction - partly cos I will be relentless - partly cos she wants to ..... want her to feel protected...... want her to feel fearless ..... want her to confront life head on ..... want her to feel loved beyond measure .... want her to feel special ...... want her to feel the only one ..... want her to feel proud ..... want her to melt with joy .... want her happy till she is confused .... want her to feel light - till she doesnt know what to do.

Want her to be mine ......... Yes! Wanna live for you.

So tell me will you please -

What's ur name - How do you look
Will you come along! - Whats ur lat whats ur long?

- Sanket K

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Playing Cards

I sat with my friends - to play cards,
Poor I was, little I had,
I bet a lot - when the game starts,
I lost it all. I lost it all.

I sat with my friends - to play cards,
I thought my luck was bad,
I said to myself,
Poor is your game and slow is ur hand,
I fought hard, I learnt it all,
I won some back,
But the loss never stopped.

I sat with my friends - to play cards,
Then came a game - and I had won,
By all the rules I knew, I had won,
But they said 'Nay!!',
It aint that way.
You lose this one,
Cos the game is changed.

I sat with my friends - to play cards,
Though now I knew not,
Whose my friend, who was not,
Cheaters they were, dishonestly they played,
I wanted to quit, but money needed be made.

I sat with my friends - to play cards,
And ask myself - why can I not,
Not cheat like them,
What crap was I taught?
Play by the rules and cheat not
Even as they plunder
Plunder till u rot.

I sat with my friends - to play cards,
And wish the game would stop,
The tricks and lies, I got so sick of ..
I want to quit,
But my inner voice barks,
If you quit now - then all you fought Shall be lost.

And so I stick with the game,
Play by what I was taught,
The game of life - they called it,
So stupid I was,
I thought I was playing cards.

- Sanket K.

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Take what you can - Give nothing back !!

The human fascination with the 'wrong' has always intrigued me. Glamor girls have always been attracted to Crime Lords and Mafia Dons. We might give speeches at world conferences and will condemn these criminals in the strongest words while at the same time box office sales for any movie featuring the life of criminals goes through the roof. What is it about crime and criminals that fascinates us so much?

I have been asking myself that question a lot since I saw 'Pirates of the Caribbean II'. So I write this piece - not as a review on the movie - but as an out loud thought process trying to reason this contradictory human triat.

I have always loved pirates. Had we been living in the 17th century - I would have seriously thought about a career in piracy at the sea. We like pirates! Murderers and Looters with not an iota of respect for life or civilized living.

We like Pirates - cos a pirate means - freedom - freedom to do what you want - it means - dexterity - unmatched skill at sea navigation - it means - swimming like a fish - it means - no fear of death - it means no bonds of rules - it means - bravery and courage. Indeed 'Piracy' I belive is one of the few professions that - instead of denying and constraining the most defining human aspect - GREED - embraces it. Not deny that you have greed but live for it!

We may hesitate to accept it - but Greed is what drives the human world. Who doesnt want money? Who doesnt want freedom? Who doesnt want worldly pleasures?

Pirates! They can rob and have as much wealth as they want! They can entertain as many mistresses as they want! They can roam at the whim of their will ! Roam wherever they want!

We like them - cos in the heart - each one of us wants to have great wealth - to enjoy physical pleasure - to live free. Imagine a settled married man - completely respectable - has a nice homely wife - a kid - earns honestly - and lives simple. Give him a wish - an option - to have a life at sea - to flirt with danger and death - to sleep with plenty of beautiful women - to drink - to feast - to dance - to be merry - to command a ship - to terrorize the waters .

Almost all men will be tempted - a few will accept - most will deny out of fear (but wont admit it) - the rare will deny out of conviction and principle. But all things come at a cost - by defying law - you inherently deprive yourself of its protection. You would start great - and run fast and run fierce - but you will soon go out of breath - you will start to realize - that a physical encounter with the most beautiful woman can never match true love - that no amount of money can rival the power of an honest penny - that you can never enjoy that which you havent earned - that which is not truly yours. You may not be cursed by the Heathen Gods but you will certainly be cursed by the souls you plunder. In Captain Barbossa's words - 'The Drink will not satisfy - Food will turn to ash in your mouths - And all the pleasurable company in the world wouldnt slake your lust - You may start being compelled by greed - but soon you will be consumed by it' .

So on second thoughts - I might not actually want to be a pirate. But ........... But what if the Captain is the great 'Jack Sparrow' ? What if the ship is the legendary 'Black Pearl' ? Oh! I dont know - I might easily slip - marry the sea - Take what I can and Give nothing Back!

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Raising the Bar!

There is a phenomenon that utterly sickens me -- I donot like nor accept it when people blame incompetent behaviour on human nature.

" Ofcourse he is jealous - its HUMAN! "
" Ofcourse he lied, he is HUMAN! "
" Dont always expect a logical explanation, he is HUMAN!"
" Ofcourse he made a mistake, give him a break, he's just HUMAN!"
" Yes, he is afraid, he got scared, he is HUMAN! "


As I percieve it people who say these things can blame almost any imperfection to being HUMAN.

I lack words that can adequately describe how much I hate this kind.

Yes, a majority of people are prone to errors and flaws in character, in the course of being human. A simple reason being, choosing the right path often hurts and its natural instinct to avoid being hurt.

But by saying that its ok in the event of being human, I believe people often depricate the definition of humanity to encompass sub standard behaviour.

And if the very definition against which you measure yourself is flawed, there can be no hope of improvement. So I say - to all those idiot suckers who blame all that is wrong with them on being humans - that stop it right now - say its your mistake - its not justified in general to make mistakes just because you are a Human - if you make a mistake - you appologise and make darn sure that you dont do it again. And people who cannot improve in one attempt should exclude themselves from the Learning species of humanity. Because - refusing to learn is inherently contradicting with the way nature intended us to be.


And now that everyone thinks I hate people in general, let me assure the reader that I donot.

I think being HUMAN is a great thing and should be treasured, that being HUMAN is being honest, is being capable of accepting mistakes and learning from them, is being competetive with the aim of a better evolution of the whole, is being ambitious to make a difference to the place you live in, is taking the right course no matter how hard it is inorder to forge a more resilient character, is valuing life and tolerating the essential but less blessed living creatures in the world.

Ya! not practical right! But its the way it should be - not the way it is.

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The Water Window

It was a Saturday, he had come home early today. It was his weekly romantic escapade. At 31 he was as smart and successful as any man his profession could boast of. It always seemed strange to him that he called his New York appartment a home. For as long as he could remember, he had always spent more time at the office and the gym than at his 'home'.

His appartment was more expensively kept than a palace. He loved heights, when they had married, he had waited five years to afford this place. It was a top-floor appartment with one of the best views of New York. He had moved to New York despite his better half, but once he had furnished the place and brought her in, she fell in love with their new home. In exchange she had made him promise week ends .......... he usually was able to spend one of the promised four. He knew, they would soon have an argument over this, still, he hoped he could convince her to hold the ship for another four years. Champagne and flowers had usually done the trick for him, he hoped it worked today.

His thoughts were interrupted by a sudden drop in temperature from his shower. He cursed the fact that no matter how well kept an appartment was, there was only so much time one could have running hot water. He jumped out and dried himself hastily and then to the delight of his boyish mind, he heard the door open. Ha! She was home.



Posed in nothing but his bath robe, he waited in ambush. She was usually alert and immune to such tricks, but today even she wouldnt have expected him so early. She always went to the water window first - to look at the city spread out beneath. As she stood gazing at the tiny specks of people and long shafts of light, he put an arm around her waist gently. With surprise and wonder she turned only to find herself lost in a deep kiss.

Their love making was always like this, sensual to violent in a few seconds. Lack of company had made sure that the passion between them was ever flamable. He loved her dirty and sweaty from work. In the course of their young marriage, he had spent most money over reimbursing her torn suits.

Eventually they slowed down, lying on each other spent and content. She wouldnt allow him to dress, she liked hearing his day by just lying on him, listening to his accelerated heart beat. Oh! How she loved him.

She knew there would be flowers, a great drink and probably an honest hand made dinner waiting for her. Apart from his iron character, it was his skill at boyish surprise that held her from arguing about the increased number of work hours he was putting in. She knew he wouldnt win, if he was any less accomplished, she would complain about that too.

Commanding him to stay as he was, she ran to the stereo to put on her favourite song. He knew, his mission was half accomplished, she would come back and listen to this song over and over again, holding him close, not permitting a spoken word.

Eventually she let him free ....... he came back after the table was set and held her again, not grabbing her, but holding her instead .. .. and as they stood looking through the glass window, he thought of how much he had achieved and how much more he wanted to. And the city beneath stood witness to their love and to his ambition.

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